Vale Parish declares Independence

by GD Wed 01 Apr 2009, 2:04 pm

Guernsey is on the brink of civil war as the Vale residents have barricaded all roads from the Bridge to Grande Havre.

Deputy David Jones former member of the States of Guernsey has resigned and proclaimed himself ruler of the island's second largest parish renaming the parish the Democratic Republic of the Braye du Valle (DRBV)

Breaking news suggests that Island FM formerly the Islands only commercial radio broadcaster has been turned over to the new regime and is playing back-to-back hits from the 1960s interspersed with General Jones' greatest one liners.

BBC Radio Guernsey has been evacuated. Gary Burgess, in hiding this morning, tells IFC roving reporter - ‘it’s terrible, I was talking about that lost cat to a listener and next thing I know I have a mob of beret wearing Vale Nationalists shouting “Gary, Gary Gary Out! Out! - Me? Out I’ve never been so outraged in my life. I mean real outrage. Not that put on outrage I do every morning. This was the real thing’

Shoppers on the Bridge are in turmoil. Speaking behind the disguise of a big nose and even bigger ears, Mrs Sarchet says “I was just getting used to pounds shillings and pence, then they introduced deci….., decimilisa……that money that they divide by tens, you know the one. Anyway we are back bartering with goats cows and the old Guernsey Doubles – it’s the States again. They are rubbish aren’t they?”

Bernard Flouquet is unimpressed. Speaking earlier to IFCfeed he tells the team ‘the only person who’s going to block the arteries into and out of town is my department. We just can’t have any old person willy-nilly blocking roads and causing traffic jams – these have to be done properly you know’

Lyndon Trott flys back to Guernsey this morning on a specially chartered flight to Guernsey. Having spent 3 days flying around Europe signing Transparency Agreements, the CM described it like doing ‘lines’ for being a very naughty boy

I promise Guernsey will be more transparent
I promise Guernsey will be more transparent
I promise Guernsey will be more transparent
I promise Guernsey will be more transparent
I promise Guernsey will be more transparent
I promise Guernsey will be more transparent
I promise Guernsey will be more transparent
I promise Guernsey will be more transparent

The Chief Minister states that he will take control of the situation and has declared a State of Emergency.

(from

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mmmm...lol